Yesterday was the two year anniversary of starting this blog, and I would have posted this yesterday but I had to work and then I had to get my NaNoWriMo words done and then I was sleepy.
I have achieved a lot of things in the last two years that have made me much happier person, in particular I’ve been able to prioritise my own creative processes and allowed myself the time to spend on them. The very fact that I am attempting NaNoWriMo for the second year in a row and am on track to win again is a testament to this fact. Not only have I pursued my creativity alone, but I have been lucky enough to share it with like minded people. In particular I’d like to mention Louise, who is one of the greatest poets I know, Jonathan, who is a beautiful visual artist, inventor and performer who constantly boosts my ego and pushes me to do things I wouldn’t normally do, and to my lovely Boroondara Writers’ Group who consistently give me great feedback on my work and honest, useful criticisms.
There are, of course, things that I have yet to really achieve. I have been single for the entire two years I’ve had this blog, and while I think it has been a great learning curve for me, and was definitely an important part of my journey, I’d like to think that I’ve grown enough to be able to share my life with someone who will appreciate it. I still work in the ‘real world’ and unfortunately I have had at least my fair share (probably significantly more) of challenges there, so the dream of being able to make a comfortable life from the proceeds of my creative stuff is still a while off. Lastly, I’ve been in therapy for the whole two year period, and we have been struggling to overcome my depression. I have a fantastic relationship with my psychologist, and we do some excellent work together, but I constantly catch myself focusing on how far I still have to go, not on how far I’ve come.
I gave consideration to going back through some of my first blog entries to see whether I’ve changed, but I’m almost scared to do it. Part of me is afraid that nothing will have changed, but a different part of me is afraid that I’ve changed so much that I won’t recognise myself in the stuff I wrote. I know it’s happened before when I found an online journal I kept when I was in high-school.
But anyway, here’s to the next year of exploring myself, of pushing my boundaries and of creating a life that I’m happy to be living. Thank you to everyone who reads this blog, and who comments, I appreciate your support. Thank you to me for sticking with this, for walking the scary path into the unknown, for doing things that we weren’t sure we could do, and for getting up every morning to do it again. Even if the only person who ever read this blog was me, it would be worthwhile.