Tag Archives: Motivation

Maintenance

15 Friday Jul 2022

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I’ve been trying to come up with a blog post for about three weeks and so far, nothing good has come to mind, so I thought I would talk about maintenance.

Maintenance is the not at all sexy stuff we do to keep things running – it’s brushing your teeth, or eating healthy or exercising (for the body), cleaning the toilet or mopping the floors, it’s practicing scales and exercises (for music), it’s showing up to write even if you don’t feel like it.

There is an argument to be made that motivation follows action, and not the other way around. One must start doing something to feel like doing it. In a way it helps, because you don’t have to wait until you feel like something to get started, but it also means I have to start before I even feel like it, which can be hard sometimes, especially if things are tough for any reason.

This week I’ve worked on my manuscript a couple of times, I’ve done piano practice most days, I’ve done yoga or a walk or the gym and in most cases I didn’t feel like it. I’m not sure if it’s winter inertia, or I’m having a particularly low energy week, but life feels hard. Getting up for work when it’s under 10˚ C is probably not helping.

Is being an adult progressively adding more maintenance tasks to your list to feel vaguely normal? In my memory I didn’t worry so much about stuff when I was younger, but maybe I’m misremembering. I feel much less fun and spontaneous – my back pain, and ankle injury and the whole pandemic thing didn’t help with that either. Maybe I’ll get back to feeling spontaneous. Maybe I’ll want to create more, rather than relying on starting an activity and hoping I’ll get into it once I’ve begun.

I had coffee with a former work colleague earlier today, though more correctly my former boss, and we had a lovely chat about life, the universe and everything (with a long detour to cults started because I recently read the Book of Revelation and wow, was that a trip, I digress). As I went back to my car to head to my exercise physiology appointment, I found I had a parking ticket. I was in a zone where I had to pay for a ticket, but I had misread the sign and assumed it was two-hour free parking, not two-hour paid parking. I was annoyed because it’s another in a long line of expenses (let’s not even get into the cost of vegetables or petrol at the moment) I have and it would have been avoidable if I’d been more careful about reading the sign. The annoyance spread through the rest of the day, something I feel might not have happened when I was younger.

I guess I’m worried I’m becoming boring and curmudgeonly and I’m not even that old! On the other hand, the world has objectively been through a very bad last couple of years, so perhaps I should give myself a bit more time to get over the trauma (and ongoing stress) of the COVID-years.

I’ve had this blog for over a decade, and I have been posting semi-regularly to it so I think I can say I’m maintaining it. Here’s to trying to find more joy in maintenance.

Six Months Later…

02 Sunday Aug 2020

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Global pandemics, like grief, affects each person differently. Some people in my circle have been able to produce a lot of work during the pandemic, others have produced almost none at all. I completed a survey last night on the effect of the pandemic on mental health which included an array of psychological test scales. 

blue, purple and green time care with yellow text. Text reads '6 months later...'

As seen in Spongebob Squarepants

One scale measured body dysmorphia* which tapped into a few thought patterns I hadn’t been aware of. It’s just over six months since my accident and I’m still attending physio several times a week. My ankle is strong enough to walk to the local coffee shop and back, about 30min round trip, but not much further. The mobility of the joint is still  compromised, especially after sitting for a while or getting up in the morning. It’s also much bigger than the other ankle.

Part of me has always known my left ankle will never be the same, but another part of me thought if I tried hard enough it would recover. I’ve had my final surgical review, and finally got to see the x-rays (I think they were hiding them in case I was upset) and I have a couple of pieces of metal in my ankle which will stay there permanently. The surgeons also informed me that in ten to twenty years I would be arthritic, so I have that to look forward to.

The coronavirus has affected people in very different ways. I remind myself I’m doing  well in comparison to some – I still have a job, my income is stable, my housing is stable and safe, and I’m not unwell (injury not withstanding) – but I can’t help feeling down at the idea of repeated waves of increased transmission, going into and out of lock-down, and being worried every time I go out into the world until we find a vaccine.

I live in Melbourne, our city and state has been doing much worse than the rest of our country lately and it doesn’t look like it’s improving. Days blur into one another. The view of my terrace/balcony is lovely, but I’m getting sick of it.

I’m tired. It feels like I’ve been tired for a while and it’s hard to know whether it’s really tiredness or just boredom, or stress. I worry we’re going to come out of this period of human history and all be total weirdos.

What have I been up to during lockdown v2? I am working the day job (from home), editing a manuscript, attending physio rehab, doing  trivia with friends on Zoom, baking sourdough bread, reading, watching a lot of streamed TV, procrastinating doing work on the mural in my hallway**, yoga and other exercise at home. I try to keep myself busy but it often feels like an uphill battle.

I hope you’re staying safe and keeping up your mental health routines as much as possible. It is comforting to know that everyone is in the same boat, but it’s also okay to acknowledge a hard time to be alive.

 

*A quick Google shows it was the Dysmorphic Concerns Questionnaire

** The mural is quite large and quite complicated, based on this image by Christian Waller, and whenever I think about doing a bit of work on it I become overwhelmed and do other things, like writing blog posts.

The month that was, the month to come

06 Wednesday Mar 2019

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Phew! February was the month of book launches. I had my own launch on 17 February, you can read about that here. I also attended three others: a novel, Small Blessings, by Emily Brewin, on 13 February; a poetry collection, Palmistry, by Chris Ringrose, on 23 February; and a collection of poems and photographs, Blue Milonga, by Edward Caruso on 28 February.  That’s not even counting the one I couldn’t make because my band were playing a gig. 

I don’t think I’ve ever been to so many launches in my whole life, let alone in a single month. Perhaps there’s something in the water at the moment. Each one was different, as were the books themselves, but all involved the signing table, and schmoozing of guests. Emily’s launch had the most wine, while mine had the best catering (if I do say so myself).

March is shaping up to be intense as well. To begin with, Wasted Monday are trying out a new drummer, hopefully we all agree that the relationship works and we have a full band again. Lu and I will be doing open mics around town to keep our performance skills up until the drummer is ready to join us.

I’m also moving house at the end of March. I recently made the bold, and terrifying, decision to purchase an apartment, so I now have the joys of mortgage repayments to look forward to instead of rent. At least this time I have enough notice to plan my move.

It’s also the time at work when we have an external body come to audit us, so that’s shaping up to be a pretty busy time.

My writing has suffered a bit as a result of all the stuff I’ve been doing. I’m trying to get myself back into a good writing practice but am very good at finding excuses. I have purchased, but not yet started reading, The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield, which is specifically about the tendency to procrastinate when attempting to do a large, long term project like writing a novel. Hopefully I’ll get around to reading it soon and it will give my a burst of renewed enthusiasm.

Things are ticking along. With a hectic last month and another hectic month approaching I hope that I’ll be able to make time for some productive writing work, apart from my morning pages which are going well. I look forward to keeping you all informed.

Reflecting on 2018

24 Monday Dec 2018

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Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house… I was madly cleaning! I have two weeks away from my day job (woo-hoo!) and I usually spend time over the Christmas break doing those jobs around the house I don’t get to normally – like vacuuming the inside of my car, or cleaning the window blinds.

It’s also a time for reflection on what I’ve achieved in the last year. You may remember I posted a list of my goals for 2018, now I’m looking back at whether I achieved them, and what I did that wasn’t on my list.

reflection pic

Last years goals were:

  1. Win NaNoWriMo 2018
  2. Enter 5 writing competitions
  3. Redraft ‘Choose Your Own Adventure’ and publish it online (from 2017)
  4. ‘Fleur & Alexandra are Out of This World’ Melbourne Fringe Festival Show
  5. Edit ‘The Discovery of the Franklin’
  6. Submit ‘My Mothers Secret’ and ‘We Can’t Have Nice Things’ to publishers
  7. Perform with the new band regularly
  8. Two blogs per month

Of these goals I have achieved all but number six – I didn’t end up submitting my manuscripts to publishers. Since I’ve now started on the path of self-publishing, I’m happy to stick with this method for the moment. I don’t write strictly to genre, and I don’t write very commercially. For now, I’ll stick with the vanity publishing thing and maybe down the track, I’ll look into traditional publishing.

Number two, technically, I failed – I entered four competitions. I haven’t had any good news from any of them, although the Ruby won’t be announced until mid next year. But that’s okay, I entered them as a way to motivate myself, not to win.

Number five is very exciting. I am ready to publish my second novel, now titled Discovering the Franklins, which will be available to buy in February! The cover and exact release date are to be confirmed, but I’ll be sure to let you know.

In addition to that list, I have achieved a number of things that weren’t on the list. My band, Wasted Monday, recorded three demo tracks, I travelled in Japan, I’ve done a couple of online writing courses, I participated in NaPoWriMo and I’ve become involved in judging competitions for the RWA.

I’ve also taken on the role of Secretary for the Life Models’ Society. This has been taking up quite a lot of my time and energy, and I’m really glad to be involved. I think 2019 will be an exciting time for the LMS!

The last year has been busy at my day job, too. I was sent on an awesome leadership development program in June, and I’ve been learning a lot of new stuff about the new projects we have on the go.

It’s been busy, I’ve done a lot. I’m really proud of what I’ve produced over the last year. I think my career as a writer/artist is really coming along. I’m not making much money yet, but I am starting to feel legitimate, and that’s big.

My next post will be my goals for 2019! I hope you all have a safe and happy new year, and I’ll see you then.

Going Wild – 2017 RWA Conference

19 Saturday Aug 2017

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I’ve been pretty busy lately, including this blog I wrote for the Melbourne Romance Writers Guild about my trip to Brisbane for the RWA conference.

Now I’m working on getting my manuscript ready to submit to some publishers ASAP to take advantage of the renewed enthusiasm from going to the conference.

I’ll update you all soon.

Is it ever ready?

27 Tuesday Jun 2017

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Last week I finished a manuscript. Well, I typed ‘The End’. It was a project I started as part of last year’s NaNoWriMo and ended up being 104,000 words; my longest manuscript to date. It sort of feels like I’ve finished it, but I know that the next step is starting the editing process.

I have another manuscript that I’ve submitted to a couple of competitions which I wrote a few years ago, and I was working on edits of that right up until the day before the competition. I’m still not sure whether I should rewrite whole chunks of it because it doesn’t work the way I hoped it would.

The thing is, there is always more work that can be done on a piece. I could rewrite some plot point, or change the point of view of a section. A couple of the earlier manuscripts I wrote, back before I knew about genre conventions and other such things, now feel like they need to be completely rewritten so they’re more like what people expect. Of course there is an argument for originality of structure, but I’m not sure how far I’ll get with that.

The problem I’m facing now is when do I call a project finished? I know I have to let go of things, not least because I’ll drive myself batty with boredom, but I’m also afraid that they’ll never be ready.

I wrote an epilogue for the most recent project and I felt so naff tying everything up so neatly. I know that some readers like that, especially in a romance novel, but I was spent the whole time writing it thinking it was the worst drivel I’d ever thought up.

I’m heading up to the Romance Writers of Australia annual conference in Brisbane in August. It was a lot of money, but I decided that it was worth it for the professional development, networking and opportunities. I’m not really sure what to expect, although people who I’ve spoken to about it have sung it’s praises. I plan to have a second draft of the manuscript ready by then so that I can send it straight to any publisher who might request it or even seem even vaguely interested.

Slowly but surely I’m working my way towards releasing a novel that I’ve written myself into the world.

Winner Winner Chicken Dinner!

05 Monday Dec 2016

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I realised today that I hadn’t done a blog post to brag about my NaNoWriMo win this year! So here it is!

I finished my 50,027 word draft on 29 November. I took the next day off. I have not written any more since, it’s  been nearly a week.

I think I’m a bit over halfway through the story – I keep adding extra details and obstacles into my plot – so I think I have about 30,000 words left. I’m not great at guessing these things but that sounds right. I’ve given myself a deadline of 14 February, coz that’s romantic and stuff. And I work better with a deadline, arbitrary or otherwise.

About half way through the month I mocked up a cover image and title for the new manuscript because I was procrastinating writing a scene.

Behold My Mother’s Sectret:cover-jpg

I have a bunch of editing work that needs to be done on my third and my fourth NaNoWriMo manuscripts as well as possibly rewriting the first two to be more in line with genre conventions. I think I’ll have plenty of work to keep myself busy over the summer.

We also had a great gig for Hello Volume this Sunday at the Workers Club, so we hope to have a bunch more of those before the summer is over.

It’s a good thing I don’t work full-time or else I’d never have time to sleep. Keep motivated!

Why do I do it?

31 Monday Oct 2016

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I’m in Sydney for a few days giving myself a little holiday, visiting a couple of cool people. I told my friend, a poet, that I was feeling a little anxious about starting NaNoWriMo without a plot, or any characters. She laughed, and asked “why do you do it?”

This year will be my fifth time. I couldn’t think of a good reason at the time, and after thinking it over I don’t really have one, except I do it because I can.

There is something that I get from forcing myself to do the marathon that I don’t get from writing on my own. Additional motivation that comes from the companionship of other people doing the same thing. I don’t think I’d achieve nearly as much without knowing hundreds of thousands of people around the world are doing it too. There’s also an element of competition against myself; chasing those daily word count goals. Without that I wouldn’t make time for writing.

I am aware I create quite a lot of content, and I do the most of it at the last minute, right on the deadline. I think, deep down, I’m lazy and having something external to push against really helps me. And knowing there is a time when it will be finished, has to be finished, really helps sustain my efforts. Having the end in sight makes it easier to just keep going that little bit longer. A preset time when you have to stop also helps to avoid perfection paralysis.

This morning, I sat in a coffee shop in Newtown, with a coffee and wrote 600 words of plot and character summaries. I think I probably have enough to start with. Probably my plot has holes in it I won’t notice until later, but I can fix that up later. I start writing tomorrow.

Expect a couple of updates before the month is over, and possibly a faux-cover reveal later in the month when I’m procrastinating doing my daily words.

Changes (again)

27 Friday May 2016

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Sometimes I think I have set myself up and I’ll be able to have a nice stable life for a little while.

I think ‘oh good, I can get on with being alive now that everything is set up’.

But that doesn’t seem to be how life works, at least not for me. I had a boss once who used to say that maybe our job isn’t being interrupted by constantly responding to and putting out fires, maybe putting out fires is our job. It sort of helps to stop you from dismissing stuff as in the way.

I know I’ve heard it before and I’m sure I’ll forget and have to remind myself. Life doesn’t start when everything is ready and settled and under control. All that stuff is life.

Things will always be unsettled. There will always be stuff that is out of your control.

Life doesn’t have a satisfying narrative arc. It’s a bunch of scribbles and chaos that we have to try to fumble our way through.

So as I head into another portion of my life without a stable income, at least for the moment, I’m trying to tell myself that it’s all good and that the opportunities that will come from being available will totally be worth it.

Plus, I have some money hidden away, I won’t starve. Adventures ahoy!

The Fallacy of Idleness

29 Friday Jan 2016

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I’m starting to think that I have a skewed idea of what ‘not doing much’ means. Since the start of the year I’ve been feeling the frustrating and conflicted combination of being both bored and overly busy. It’s a very strange feeling and it also means I’ve felt like I’m not really doing much, or progressing with projects.

This feeling has not been helped at all by the fact that I have recently subscribed to Netflix, so I feel like I’ve been watching a lot more tv than in the past. To be honest it’s probably just replaced stupid YouTube rabbit holes.

Anyway, as a colleague at work commented to me earlier today, I do actually have my fingers in a lot of pies. I’ve got practicing and rehearsing with my band, writing (and re-writing) various projects, Dances with Cucumbers, life modelling, exercise, socialising, and working in recruitment. I manage to fill up my time pretty effectively. So maybe what I’m actually feeling is some sort of misplaced guilt. As though every moment of the day should be utilised for some sort of productive end. There’s no rule that says you must book yourself back to back with stuff or you fail at being an adult. In fact I’m pretty sure there are arguments against it.

I’ve been looking into opportunities to submit to online magazines, either as once off submissions or as a staff writer. One which seems interesting requires one blog post per week, and one long article per month, which seems totally doable on the surface. But I worry that some weeks I’d struggle to have the time, and other weeks I’d have plenty of time. I guess everything in life is like that; a balancing act of compromise and negotiation. I’m going to go for it, and try to make it work. It’s not a paid gig, but it would definitely look good on my writing resume.

I wonder how other people manage to get the right balance between being productive and having enough rest that you don’t burn out. I need to tell my brain to settle down and just accept there will be weeks when not much happens, and other weeks when you’re jam packed. That’s life. I’m pretty sure it won’t change.

Well, I just wanted to write that all out and tell myself aloud that I am not being a slacker. It’s also a bit of an update. I haven’t started editing the Choose Your Own Adventure novel from NaNoWriMo 2015, but I have started some major rewrites for the novel from NaNoWriMo 2014, which are coming along nicely. This weekend is hideously flat out for me, so hopefully I get through it without exploding/imploding. I’ll catch you all on the flip side!