Depression
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Strange days
I’ve been in a strange place this week. My day job has been quite hard and I have been questioning whether I’m really capable of doing it. I finished writing my novel and have been feeling a bit lost without it, but also creatively exhausted and at the moment sort of dreading having to edit…
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Just a quick one
I thought I’d just write a quick update to say I’m having a really goo time writing my novel for NaNoWriMo – I’m currently at 27,000 words and still going strong. I’ve also been going really well with my medication, I’ve been feeling like I have more control over my reactions to the world and…
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NaNoWriMo
I know a few people who have done NaNoWriMo. For those of you who don’t know, NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month it was started in 1999 in San Francisco and the aim is to write a novel, that is at least 50,000 words long, in a month. The idea is to help writers to…
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Why can’t I just stay in bed?
It’s hard to explain my depression to someone who’s never been through it. It’s normal for people to feel sad sometimes, everyone has times like that and there is a comfort in knowing that you have something to be sad about. For me, at this moment in time, I’m sad for no reason. I feel…
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Accepted!
I found out on Thursday that a short story I submitted was accepted to be published in a local writers’ magazine. Now I don’t know exactly what the distribution of the magazine is, nor what sort of scope of readership it has but none the less – I will soon be able to say that…
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What it means to admit I have depression.
I have struggled with depression a lot in my life I have just turned 28. The first time I was referred to the school counselor I was 11 years old. After that I saw several counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists and family therapists throughout my school life and early adulthood. When I was 14 I tried to kill myself. Not…
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Hard days and nights
This last couple of days have been particularly hard for me. In addition to being cooped up inside for the second week in a row I’ve been going through some pretty heavy self-reflection. I had a run in with my estranged father. He came across this blog and I was horrified. I couldn’t put my…
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I found my diary…
I’ve mentioned before that I’m writing some memoirs. At this stage they’re largely for my own use, so that I can process some stuff that’s going on for me, but today I found a diary, an online journal. It has entries dating from May 2001 to September 2007 although most of the entries are from…
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Is this what it feels like?
I’ve been working on with my psychologist on trying to be aware of and honest about my feelings. Allowing myself to be vulnerable, to be hurt, to be scared, trying to let go of the strong, distant Fleur and embracing the Fleur who is stressed out by things, and who feels sad (and happy) about…
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On why I choose to be poor and happy rather than rich and miserable
Recently both my psychologist and one of the guys who works at my gym have commented on how much happier I appear; that there is much less rage emanating from my presence. This makes me happy. I know that when I started this blog I said ‘I will never get a job’ – but I’m…
Fleur Blüm 