Once again I am unemployed. I quit my casual hospitality job last week because I was unhappy. Not because I disliked the work, which was fine if mechanical, but because the people I was working with/for were doing my head in.
I have tried, particularly over the last 6 months, to surround myself with people who encourage and challenge me, who meet my emotional needs, who are positive about the journey I am on and who are honest in that positivity. The people I worked for were none of these things; they were negative, they undermined me and they had little understanding or respect for what I was trying to achieve from my journey. The longer I worked there the more I felt compelled to fit into the mould that they had in mind, I felt like I was dreading going to work; it was taking up more and more of my brainspace outside of my working hours. It was time to leave.
But my problem is this: where I am at this point in my journey is not going to pay my bills, so I need to work, but I am also at a point where I cannot tolerate working with people I don’t like/respect or for a business I don’t like/respect. This makes employment somewhat tricky.
A friend of mine said to me last week that she’s sure there is a perfect career out there for me, she just has to work out what it is. I hope there is; something that will give me creative challenges, that will work with my strengths and interests, that will build up my weaknesses, that will pay the rent without compromising important Fleur time or other projects such as my studies and art.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that I have come across a bit of a roadblock on my journey. I am feeling quite confused about it all and I sincerely hope I did the right thing. I am sure something awesome is just around the corner, but it also feels like I’m in the darkest hour before the dawn and that’s quite scary.
PS: I am suffering from a cold this weekend so my apologies if this entry makes no sense.