Go to a public location and make a detailed report of what you see. The twist of the day? Write the post without adverbs.
It’s cold as we take a seat outside the little café. Even though we’re sitting under an outdoor gas heater, there’s a distinct chill in the air. It’s winter in Melbourne, and we complain about how cold it is, as the temperature hovers around 10 degrees Celcuis. We really don’t have much to complain about, it doesn’t snow. Often Melbournians complain because we’re not wearing the appropriate clothes. I look around me and I see people wearing light jackets, or hoodies against the cold. No one is wearing a scarf, or a beanie. Vehicles meander by along the wide North Melbourne street, next to the tram tracks that monopolise the middle of the road. There isn’t much traffic, and what there is doesn’t seem to be in a particular hurry. The idea of a lunch time rush seems distant compared to the scene unfolding. That’s not to say the shops are empty, they are certainly not empty, they have a stream of customers in and out, but there are no lines.
I walk past the local Salvos and stop as a pair of orange, high-heeled, peep-toe shoes catches my eye. They are up there with the most ridiculous shoes I’ve ever seen, and yet I want them. A swift internal debate is concluded with a quick look inside the store to ascertain whether the shoes are my size. They are. Do I need them? The answer, of course, is no. No one needs six inch, platform, patent leather stilettoes! And not in fluorescent orange. The more pertinent question would be do I want them? The answer to that question is a little more complicated. I do want them, I want to strut into a room with them on, towering above the other people, tottering a little trying to balance, and taking small, delicate strides because of the my shortened foot surface.
Despite their low price, I can’t afford them. My decision to walk back out onto the smooth, black, bitumen footpath on the way back to my lifeless, windowless office is made on financial grounds. But they were very pretty.
*This post was edited to remove four stray adverbs; never, especially, far and steady. Let me know in the comments if you find any more. This was harder than it looked!