Have you ever worried that you’re actually boring? That you’re actually exactly the same as everyone else, and everything you think makes you special is bullshit?

Have you ever thought that being different isn’t good? Have you ever just wanted to be like everyone else and fit in and be liked and get up and go to work and come home and have a meal with a lover and go to bed and get up and go to work and be happy with that?

Have you ever managed to be happy, or even pretty contented, for a while and not picked at it like a scab? Like you can’t possibly be happy because Coca Cola tells you that you won’t be happy unless your frolicking on a beach holding an ice-cold sugary drink surrounded by models. That you won’t be happy until you live in your own detached house with a husband and two point three kids and a mortgage too big to pay off and a car too big for anyone to drive.

Have you ever looked at yourself in the mirror and thought you know what, I’m actually pretty hot! Fuck everyone who doesn’t want this all up in their business, it’s their loss! I’m awesome.

Have you ever felt lonely, alienated and worthless only to go out on a date with someone and realise that you’d much rather be alone than date them just for the sake of dating someone?

Speaking of dating, did I tell you the one where I met this dude from an online dating website who told me several times in messages that he was boring and suburban and asked if I was really sure I wanted to meet him because I seemed all creative and interesting and wouldn’t that be really dull for me because he was so boring and normal? Did I tell you about how he sat across the table from me and spent an hour regaling me with all the fucked up shit he’d done before he gave up drinking? How many times he’d driven home drunk. How many times he’d driven off the road. How many times he’d screwed people over. How he’d had his license revoked and been called a menace by the magistrate. Did I tell you how much I wanted him to be boring in that moment?

Have you ever looked at your life and thought, you know what, everything I’ve ever done, everything I’ve ever felt, good and bad and in between, has led me to this place. And this place is pretty fucking cool.

‘Coz I have.