Wears a ‘F*ck the Police’ shirt to court wins case
Leaves job at Burger King, steals ‘all their nuggets’, because ‘f*ck it’

Spends four hours yelling at people from roof of Wendy’s in underwear
Gets tired of waiting at hospital, steals ambulance, drives home

Suspected of using private plane to draw giant radar penis
Tried to run to Bermuda an inflatable bubble, again

Plans to shoot down Hurricane Irma
Steals neighbours peacock, gets chased by angry birds

Breaks into jail to hang with friends
Ripped urinal from restaurant bathroom, ran away naked into woods

Arrested for eating pancakes in the middle of a crosswalk
Arrested for assaulting girlfriend with fried chicken

Calls 911 to report himself drink driving
Caught trying to smuggle dead alligator in car

Claims he’s the first man ever to vape semen
Should not be left unsupervised.

Inspired by today’s NaPoWriMo prompt.